Sunday, December 13, 2009

Home is where the heart is...

Yes, definitely. But it's more complicated than that.

As I embark on my final apartment-search and move I am confronted with a billion decisions. Do I look for roommates? What questions do I ask landlords? How On Earth Do People Live Like This?!!

Craigslist, Fuller, Westsiderentals, and lots of block-to-block meandering have led me to wish I had a million dollars, or that I was living in another state, or that life was maybe a little more fair.

So I think I'm getting closer. After narrowing down the search from a $600-900 single/studio/1B1Bth (over a hundred and fifty options) to a 7-800 1B1Bth (more like a hand-full of options) I think I might have found a winner (that is provided nothing crazy happens). So wish me luck! I'm going to need it... and some moving help if you're around and don't mind carrying boxes up stairs.

Wherever I end up, I hope to call it home until I graduate from Seminary. This journey has been an interesting one. I have learned a lot, and God continues to challenge me daily to trust in the grace and mercy that has been extended my way. I have done a lot of soul searching and I am more humbled by this calling and more excited about what God will reveal and do in the next two years.

I do want to take a moment, as it is Advent and we anticipate the miraculous and glorious birth of Christ, to consider how profound a tiny change can be. Christ came to earth as a tiny baby, dependent on his earthly parents to provide, shelter and protect him from forces that were greater than they could even imagine. Christ, in flesh, needed clothes and shelter just like any other human being. Just like myself as I search for a new apartment. But Christ, the Lord, came in order that we might be redeemed from the struggle and weight of this flesh and bone. What I try to understand is how to live each day, in all my bodily reality in light of this eternal gift. I struggle to acknowledge and care for my body and physical needs when I see others who also have even greater physical needs. I long to be free of this body and the maintenance it requires, though I wish even more to understand more deeply the joy that comes with living this life well.

Friday, November 20, 2009

remember

So often it is hard for me to remember how blessed I am when life is tough. It is so easy for me to get bogged down and oppressed by school work, personal and social expectations and questions about life in general. So I want to take a moment here to share some of the great surprises that have helped me see beyond my stress and hold on to the generous blessings and faithful promises of God.

Friday Night: "The Men Who Stare at Goats" and lots of laughs with friends
Saturday: Apple Orchard outing with Libby and Beth... we saw goats there too
Sunday: Good worship at Church and the help of friends through Hebrew Study group
Tuesday: A Very LONG day of meetings and work topped off by a generous and delicious benefit dinner... a trip to BeanTown where I received a new painting from Steve and many beautiful greetings and smiles from friends... I returned home to a card from my sister Justice which touched my heart AND then stayed up to get more work done...
Wednesday: I was so tired I went to bed early... and slept for 12 hours (I can't remember the last time this happened).
Thursday: surprise lunch with an old neighbor and mom... Passed my interview at Presbytery and have moved forward to Candidacy for ordination... delicious dinner of blackened salmon over cilantro fettucini with Mom and Dad... a good joke with Grandpa... lots of laughs with friends while watching TV!
And today at LoveBirds Cafe: Christmas music and two gentlemen who asked "what are you working so hard on?"... "Hebrew." then as they walked out one of them said to me in Hebrew: "May your name be inscribed in the book of life."

I hope to hold on to these things as the quarter comes to an end... keeping my head above water... looking forward to Thanksgiving and Matt and Michelle's wedding...

PFEW! It's amazing how much can happen in a few days :)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Grandfather's Wisdom

I have been living with my 92 yr old grandfather for about 8 weeks now and learning more and more about our family and his life each day. We have dinner together and spend time watching TV together on a regular basis. He's had a long and full life and is wonderful company... though I don't quite know what to do with some of the things he says.

Occasionally I'll get to see a tender side of him where he says nice things to me and offers to make me more comfortable and feed me about a dozen times a day. He usually asks "is there enough heat up there for you?" Referring to the guest house where I am staying--even when it's 100 degrees outside. I always enjoy when he talks about Margaret, my Grandmother, who passed away about 14 years ago. One of our most precious moments was when I was waiting with him outside a restaurant and he said "it's nice holding your hand." It's nice holding your hand too, Grandpa.

He lacks most of his short term memory but is still really quick to respond and has a pretty keen sense of humor; though off color at times (even though he knows better). Most of the time he'll ask how my parents and sister are just to check in with the world. And I regularly get asked "So how many boyfriends do you have." (Sometimes a few times in the same day). Most of the time I joke and tell him "oh you know, a half a dozen or so--one for each day of the week..." or "guys are trouble..." or the like. He has some responses to my "predicament" that just make me laugh and I thought I'd share them with you...

"set traps"
"put a sign out in the yard... or somewhere in town" saying "single female"
"Bait them..." to which I responded "nobody's biting" and he said "they're over-fed."
"Well tell them!"
"They don't know what they're missing"
and the like...

I hardly know what to do with him and his suggestions most of the time. Though I have to give him some credit because he was happily married for over 50 years to my grandmother and has shown me one of the most beautiful examples of devotion and commitment while my grandmother was hospitalized for four or five years. He visited her every day to feed her lunch, tell her about the family and make sure she knows she was still special. So even though he seems to make the whole "search" so simple and lighthearted, he is a large part of the reason I'm a little picky--sorry guys ;)

Friday, August 14, 2009

Vacation in Evergreen, CO

Just a few thoughts from my stay in Evergreen


Nestled under sheets, wool blankets, and hand made quilts I lay awake
Listening to the river rush beside this old cabin
The river sounds like rain to me, my ears are too accustomed to the highway hum
Paper thin antique curtains of lace blow with the wind
It is cold outside, but I leave the window open to hear the river roll over the rocks

Lazy mornings begin with a smile, some hot coffee and fresh fruit
No one knows the time for the day awaits our curiosity
A walk around the lake, a stroll through town
Just past the high school we greet the mountainside with tennish shoes and water bottles
To be accompanied by thunder and lightning that rumble from behind the mountain top

We can pile into the MiniVan, Nina we call her endearingly
She takes us into town, down the highway and toward buildings taller than the trees
Meeting and greeting old and new friends soften the blunt edges and heat of the paved city
Nothing brings these big kids together more than baseball, go Rockies
It makes no difference to me who is on the field I come for the company

Late nights and later mornings, comfort food and slippers
Glad eyes, kind smiles and the smell of fresh rain on the pines
Mom always said warm hands make a warm heart; she always knows best
Some time away is good to reconnect with all that is living
It is nice to know these trees and friends will be with us to the end

Sunday, July 26, 2009

"Farmers Market's Got Talent--LA"

Today we went to the LA farmers market where we had delicious crepes, walked around in the 90 degree heat and saw too many things that I wanted to eat and buy! (I bought a new purse).
It was much like disneyland... asphalt and brick paved main street with shop's one on top of another, booths, botiques, and a unicycle riding clown...

This is where we stopped after lunch to watch the cute little kids and the 3:00 Clown Show. She had a few kids come up to sing songs and share their talents. The first little girl sang "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." The second girl sang the "Alphabet Song." And then a cute little boy in a green shirt came up and evangelized to a group of 60 or so parents and kids singing "Jesus Loves Me." The clown didn't really know what to do with herself, and after he was done replied "I had no idea it had so many verses!" (the little boy sang verse one and the chorus). She then asked if there was anyone else who wanted to sing a song, or if any other religious groups wanted to be represented by their 4 year old evangelists. It was fantastic.

Sometimes there's nothing you can do about it. You can try to censor Jesus out of everything but who is going to tell a 4 year old boy that he can't sing "Jesus Loves Me." I didn't think so. It's true little boy, Jesus loves you, and me and everyone else who heard your song. Thank you :)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

People Watching

So over the past few days I have encountered some very entertaining people-watching experiences.
People-watching does happen to be one of my favorite things to do, it makes me laugh and keeps me humble!

Wednesday: In class while the professor was responding to a "group presentation" question one of the presenters got bored and started playing "minesweeper" on his computer, while it was still connected to the projector... half the class was trying not to laugh b/c he kept playing and playing... did I mention this class is Presbyterian Polity?

Thursday: Brazilian Carnival dancers with jeweled bikini--but less than bikini--outfits and huge headdresses... For some reason I wish I had just a touch of their self-assuredness.

Friday: 8year old dance-a-holic. We were at the Levitt Pavilion outdoor watching a Celtic-Salsa band play. Let me tell you Salsa music will never sound the same unless there are bagpipes and a banjo. Don't knock it 'till you've tried it. Our dancer friend loved to jump and twirl and definiteley knew when to pose for the audience to applaud!! Amazing :)

Saturday (Today): Afternoon Library Nappers... this is a good one. Slumped over in our blue-boxy-pleather sofa-chairs, sometimes with a book perched on a knee or across their chest. All in all this is a good one because they are 1) in an air conditioned room when it is 95 outside 2) perfectly peaceful b/c the library is quiet 3) could care less b/c everyone else wishes they could sleep like that or sleep at all instead of reading or doing homework on a SATURDAY!!

Not a bad week, I say.
Some people do photo-blogs... I think this might be a good theme for me: Adventures in people-watching.

we'll see if anything exciting happens in the next few days :)

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Final's Study Song... Poh's Exercise song

Up, Down, and
Touch the Ground

Up, down, up,
When I up, down, touch the ground
It puts me in the mood
Up, down, touch the ground
In the mood for food

I am stout round, and I have found
Speaking poundage wise
I improve my appetite
When I exercise

I am short, fat and proud of that
And so with all my might
I up, down, and up and down
To my appetite's delight!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Roller Skating

So this Friday we went to the Roller Skating Rink for my friend Tammy’s birthday. We all squeezed into my corolla and headed down to Glendale to take a trip back in time, I didn’t know at this time how far back we would go. This place was great because you can only rent roller skates, no rollerblades. I was a little scared because it had been long enough since I had trusted myself to balance on wheels, and even longer since those wheels had a rubber toe-stopper (“toe pick” anybody?).
When they let us through the iron locked doors (sketchy) and we picked up our skates we thought this isn’t half bad, it looks a lot better inside than we anticipated. There were a number of elementary through high school aged kids and a few more mature patrons. There was one little boy who caught our eye at about 4’11” he glided around the rink with great ease. He was wearing blue jeans and a blue shirt and had a cute little fro. He must have only been 10 years old but that boy had some moves and when “Smooth Criminal” came through the PA we all turned to watch him, and a few other “advanced” skaters.
About midway through the night, after we shared a pretzel, nachos and a diet coke it was time to use the ladies room. I inched my way over, being very careful not to fall, for falling in this room would be even more awkward. I scooted into the little girls room and saw three blue stalls ahead of me, I saw a little girl come out of the stall on the left and decided to avoid kiddie-dribble I maneuvered my way to stall number two. I turned around and went to lean down but thought “wow, these skates really make the distancing totally different” after my shorts were down and I was positioned in the careful hovering position I realized, “wait is this a normal sized toilet? Are my skates really making me THAT much taller?” It was basically too late to abort-mission so I did my business, meanwhile seeing the bottom of the skates of the stall next to me swinging in the air above the ground, which just affirmed, “I’m using the KIDDIE TOILET!” I wanted to laugh out loud of the idiocracy of it all but decided to just smirk and save the story for my girlfriends.
So yes, friends, I used the kiddie toilet, in roller-skates on Friday night. It wasn’t planned, but it was an adventure. Brought me back to the good ol’ days.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

disgusting

So, I'm just going to complain, so you're forewarned. There will be no brilliant wisdom or theological nuggets to get from this one, unless you count confession.

I walked down to the corner liquor store to get some soda to keep me awake enough to write this paper... and I'm now tired. It was only a 3 block walk. I'm pathetic!
I have never been in such sorry shape before in my life!
I wish I was better at making goals and sticking to them, but I'm not.
I prefer to be realistic than optimistic.
I want to say I'll go to the gym more and lose those 15lbs I've gained, but we'll see.

I can't believe I'm tired! disgusting.
I did only get about 6 hrs of sleep last night... and I have been working pretty hard for school, but still! pathetic.

And now I'm scared because we're going camping in a week and a half and I'm pretty sure the two mile walk to our campsite is going to wear me out! Sorry girls, I'm just out of shape.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

thought-o-the-day

Am I the only one who gets a little uneasy when people say stuff like: "Everything happens for a reason" "God put me here to learn something, I just don't know what it is yet" etc?


I feel like, particularly in the middle of an economic crisis, wars around the world, poverty and even little things like the finals that are fast approaching these phrases just rub me the wrong way.

How can we approach life with an attitude more similar to: God is the redeemer of all things.


Just thinking out loud.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Hamster in a Wheel

sorry it has been so long, as you read you'll know why!
I enjoy reading your posts so keep them coming friends :)

So here I am again, just past midterms and about to die from overloading my plate. You’d think that someone who has been “over committing” herself for 10 years would realize what a toll it takes. Instead I will blog, avoiding homework, and try to cope.

So, I’ve been trying for the past three years to take a step back and do less, find the things in life that I really value and make space and time for them. I was forced to make space and time while in Ojai but had close to no emotional, social or spiritual strength to actually do anything with it. Then I moved to Pasadena and started school at Fuller Theological Seminary and was slowly but surely rejuvenated by the community and studies. Although because of my previous bad habits I figured I’d be fine working 20-25 hours a week at a local coffee shop to pay for some of my living expenses while I was paying for school. I worked this much and more in undergrad and apparently had forgotten what a toll it took on my spiritual, social and emotional life. (Mind, Body, Spirit right)… You’d think those CafĂ© tri-folds at Point Loma that taught about “Mind, Body, Spirit Balance” would have brought some insight… I feel like I’m in recovery from an addiction. Maybe in some cases I am.

So here I am, stuck in a couple feet of it… brown, moist, squishy, suffocating…
I am overwhelmed and it’s my own damn fault!

I’m trying to cut back by saying no and delegating as much as I can to others, but often times those things take more work before they start paying off.

Now, how do I cope?

Take a breath—nothing is as bad as it seems when it first hits you.
Be grateful—every little bit counts. I am so grateful for a God that is present and strong enough to carry me through the rough spots. And I appreciate good friends who pitch in by offering encouragement and hugs.
And try to keep it all in perspective.


Okay now I’m going to work on my sermon, worship for tomorrow and the hundreds of pages of reading I have not gotten to yet!
Thanks for reading and let’s all keep each other in prayer!

Peace