five years

I can hardly believe it was five years ago today that I was goofing off in Solvang with my girlfriend. We were staying at her grandparents and having a blast. Reading books, laying out at the pool, shopping for sassy clothes-I bought a pair of red heels I knew I would never wear but I loved how sexy they made me feel. And she bought this gorgeous green dress that made her look like a million bucks! I had resolved to leave my computer at home, and to unplug (minus my cell phone) for a few days.

We headed back to my parents place, and stopped at the Camarillo Outlets on our way. Standing by the sweaters and slacks at J-Crew (maybe Banana Republic, they're too similar to me) I received a phone call from a college friend. "Jessica, Chace is dead" is all I remember hearing. The floor fell out from under me, my heart sank as I made my way for the door. It was too shocking to really cry over, and in some really unfortunate sense it wasn't shocking at all. My friend took the keys and drove us home.

It took me years to remember the events of those following weeks. It was like I had lost a part of my substance--the part which catches on to things and remembers what is going on or what people are saying. I was like an empty tunnel, the wind just blew right on through and past me on to the next destination.

Today I am sad to have lost a friend and the years we might have had together. I am sad you never knew him. But, even more so I am glad to have had so many warm hearts and open arms to have been held in ever since. Someone once said, "death and taxes are the only certainties in life." True, but I will not remember the details of each tax form as I will cherish the memories of those I have been privileged to know and lived to loose. I pray for Marcia, Chace's mother, wherever you are. It is not fair. The hand you have been dealt is heavy and wrought with pain. I pray the Lord comforts you and brings new life into your whole being.