an Ironic post

If you read my previous post, this may seem humorous or ironic. Regardless, here it is.
This is an assignment from my Sundance "Engaging Independent Film" course that has asked us to comment on our method of public discourse--how do we engage others in conversation.

I try to keep a few things in mind when engaging with anyone, especially because most of the time I am quickly identified as a Christian, chaplain or seminary student and this starts a conversation off very differently. Different because it means that there are about a million assumptions that the other person has about me, Christians, the Church or religion, all of which I am totally unaware.

First of all I try to work with as few assumptions about the other person as is necessary—unfortunately being a fairly intuitive person makes this challenging. This helps to keep the conversation on an even field where both members can lead and contribute freely.

Secondly I work hard at being an active listener. It may come across sometimes as a little “psychoanalytical” but it is a very helpful listening tool. When someone says something confusing or different you ask them if they meant to say… or if they wanted to say… etc. Listening offers respect and dignity to the conversation partner. It shows that you know you don’t know everything and you’re interested in learning something new.

Finally I try to keep the conversation on track. If I get too distracted or side rail on a “soap-box” I realize I am bringing into the conversation unrelated, uninteresting and possibly hurtful “baggage.” This can also be a tool to notice when the other person is getting frustrated, angry, offended or just bored. If you notice this kind of shift it’s time to simplify, reassess and/or move on. This is an opportunity to find what was good about the conversation before it became too heated. This is also a chance for you to end the conversation before anyone becomes more hurt—we all have been part of hurtful conversations about our own personal lives, beliefs and hopes.

All in all I try, though not always successfully, to meet each person on level ground, show them the kind of respect and dignity I would request from another and try to leave this person better off than when we started. I say “better off” in the sense that education, conversation and being heard are some of the most intimate and life-giving activities any human being can engage in and if we take the opportunity to share a moment with another we can offer them the respect and dignity they were created for.

(Hint, much of this was developed and continues to be developed through my work as a hospital chaplain and the Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) program).

Listening

Today I was speaking to the Concierge at our TimeShare. I asked if he knew of any bistro/restaurant that was a little more off the beaten path where I might get some reading done with a glass of wine. Apparently that is a silly question to ask in a tourist-town during peak-season. Lesson learned.
But, what transpired in our initial 3 minute conversation as I revealed a working knowledge of the town and said I was here last week for Sundance was one of the most confusing conversations I have encountered in a LONG time. Here are a few pieces I can remember.

This guy believes (as he shared in the next 20 minutes):
Religion is problematic...
Faith is something special...
Joseph Campbell ("follow your bliss") has the key...
He's Catholic...
Married a Jewish woman...
Something happened in between...
It depends on what Planet people live are on... this one really got me scratching my head when he started talking about planets... we are in UT...
God/_____ (some other word) created everything and some think is a billion miles away...
His forefathers were somehow connected to Joseph Campbell or Joseph Smith (I couldn't tell) as wagoners through the west...
They built Westminster college where he attended but it's no longer religiously/theological oriented...
It's important to engage in dialogue (Got it! this one i could work with, pfew)...

I have no idea how to follow this guy. So what I leave wondering is, do I sound as fragmented and de-centered as this guy when I talk to people about faith/religion/spirituality? I sure hope not, if I do, I have some work to do.

I really had no idea what this guy was talking about at all. He didn't seem angry or dissatisfied, he seemed to think he was talking about some pretty clear things that made a lot of sense. Good thing he kept talking and didn't ask for me to participate. I hope no one sees this blog and thinks "what a pretentious pious bitch." I'm not trying to poke-fun at what he "believes" I just wonder how many people live in such a de-centralized world/reality like this?

wow

Horizons and Hovering

I am excellent at imagining, "what if." When I graduate, what if I work here, there or what if I don't get a job. What if I'm in a relationship, what if I'm not, what if I get sick, what if I win the lottery, what if... I often joke that I could solve the worlds problems with all of this pondering. So, I find myself at a season of change, a time of transition, looking out on the horizon... do I see clear blue skies or dirty, vague LA smog?
Over the past six-eight months I have sensed, and believe a semi-dramatic change in call. I am still pursuing ordination, and am deeply committed to the life and health of the local church, though my primary vocational call has changed to hospital work as a chaplain. In so many ways this is a "duh" moment because when my family asked what my "backup plan" was from pastoral ministry it was medicine. I have always been fascinated by medicine, comfortable in medical facilities and held great respect for the medical profession. After many years of becoming frustrated and unsettled with parish ministry positions I was delighted to find great freedom, affirmation and renewed excitement for ministry in the medical field.
So here I am, four months from graduating and seven applications in the mail. I have one interview scheduled and hope to hear from more soon. I know what I would love as the "perfect" setup, but I also know that plans do not usually end up as imagined. So here I hoover, suspended in time waiting for the future to become more clear. I pray and hope for wisdom, companionship and guidance on the journey there.
Just a little update on my life. Graduation is June 11, 2011. I will keep you posted with any other interesting information.

Peace.

How to Die in Oregon: Sundance Film Review

Most of the time we don’t wonder or think about how we are going to die; or maybe that is just me because I am young. In states like Oregon, Washington and Montana this preparation is possible. Legally under the “Death with Dignity Act” persons who have been given a prognosis of six or fewer months to live can be prescribed a medication, which induces a coma like state and within hours death (please look at www.deathwithdignity.org). Some perceive this as an act against God, others a gracious act of mercy. The film “How to Die in Oregon” received the U.S. Documentary Competition Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival. Peter D. Richardson offered a dignified and personal look at the affect “Death with Dignity” offers people from Oregon and Washington.
I cannot write this blog without hoping to affect and challenge some of the presuppositions and ideas people have about death and medicine. Working as a hospital chaplain some of the primary theological questions that come to play in conversations with patients and their families in critical situations are: are we playing God by perpetuating life through medication and medical procedures, and/or are we playing God by removing medical care? These questions are significant and real, but whatever state a person is in when he/she is diagnosed with terminal illness there is sadness, fear, disappointment and often loss of hope.
What I appreciate most about the Documentary “How to Die in Oregon” is the director's ability to take real-life people who are dying and create a film that tells their stories. None of the people depicted in this film are using this assisted death as a means of escape. The producer and his crew closely follow these stories of life and loss, their work allows us to see the love and hope that is found in real time with real people.
As a pastor we are called into many different situations of life and loss; that space between joy and sadness, love and hate, hope and despair. This film continues the conversation connecting us with the lives of real people and their decision to die with dignity and care for their families. The documentary does not portray death as anything easy because death is not just about one person but about every person affected by the loss of a loved one. We see the affect this has on wives, husbands and children as survivors of their loved ones.
We, as ambassadors of God, have the privilege to extend the peace of Christ, to bring light and compassion into these moments of despair. God promises to bring comfort through times of suffering and loss. Every person who was documented in this film experienced both suffering and loss, and this is what I appreciated most about the film’s perspective. The Oregon Death with Dignity Act does not free a person from suffering, sadness or loss. Every day we can find opportunities to stand beside these people and remind them that God is there.

Tyrannosaur: Sundance Film Review

The Tyrannosaurus is recognized as one of the greatest and fiercest of the dinosaurs leaving crater-like footprints and devastation to life in their wake. In some ways the film Tyrannosaur is true to this root: devastating, powerful and irrevocably impacting. Both characters: Joseph (Peter Mullan), and Hannah (Olivia Colman) deliver compelling and fierce depictions of disappointment and loss. When they are together they find tenderness and safety but slowly, like the tide, are pulled back into the torrent seas of their lives. In the opening scenes the viewer is struck by the powerful and tormented character of Joseph and is brought into curiosity as he finds himself drunk and terrified in Hannah’s consignment shop. She is befuddled and asks if she could pray for him, and prays for his tormented soul expressing through prayer her desire for Joseph to have a deep and healing relationship with God. As their lives lean together, their stories unfold and the depth of their pain and suffering is stunning.
What was most powerful to me about this film is the subtle, defining commentary it made about rage. Rage is an emotion closely linked to anger. Anger is a feeling resulting from disappointment and hurt. If anger is devalued, hidden or repressed the result can often lead to rage—an extreme form of anger. Anger is a real and right emotion that helps make what is wrong, right. Rage is often the actions that accompany anger unmet, anger unleashed. In a society where “justice” is never satisfied and individual endeavors are glorified rage is a profound reality that leaves most running for the hills (emotionally, socially and intellectually).
As a Fuller student pursuing a vocation in hospital chaplaincy I have had to examine my own troubled soul filled with anger and indignation. I often ask patients and friends “how do you cope.” If I am lucky their reply will be prayer, friendship, hobbies or hope but those answers are never simple. I recommend the film Tyrannosaur for the pastor and church leader who is willing and able to step into the darkness and stand beside and practice healing through anger. To do this is difficult and never a short journey. Most often the wrongs that have been done can never be made right.
In my own life the journey to embrace anger has been difficult. I was, and still am, ashamed of anger. I too easily fall into the habit of justifying another person’s behavior by explaining them as “good intentions,” as if “good intentions” make any wrong, right. Without confronting, naming and knowing my anger I have been guilty of reacting and overreacting out of anger and fear, not love and mercy. We may have the best intentions, and I believe God can work in spite of my weaknesses, but God has called me to love my neighbor. My journey to healing has been a process through confrontation, embrace, conversations and a lot of prayer. I am grateful now that I can acknowledge and own my feelings of anger in order to explore their roots in injustice, dignity, fear and acceptance. These roots are the pieces that help us make healthy and gracious steps forward in our relationships, work and witness.
The film Tyrannosaur does not explicitly spell out an anecdote to cure rage and anger. Tyrannosaur explores the hope and devastation a person ravaged with anger lives with on a day-to-day basis. Hannah turns to alcohol and Joseph resorts to reckless violence to express their anger. They find respite in each other, a calm amid the storm, and for a moment experience peace and grace. This is shattered when Joseph’s image of Hannah, the religious one who is closer to God, is finally seen as a human just like himself. The question I am still chewing on is in my identification with both characters and in God’s ability to accept and handle anger.