Goodbye

A poem/song that has taken me over five years to find and finally express.


I loved how much you cared for me
Seeing things I could not see
Something different, something strange;
magnetic like but not the same
Sharing stories beside the sea
Your gentle smile washed over me
I never thought we’d say goodbye
Like a summer day with clear blue sky

Then came the day, in early spring
A call, some news, that angels sing
My ears went deaf, my gaze grew weak,
felt a sense of guilt, not peace
Back to life, I could not bring
I locked you up inside a ring
Teach me now, to say goodbye
For what I hear is just a lie

I am sad your days, they now are o’er
But each new day I see there’s more
No longer past but present too,
finding a way to remember you
You taught me love, you gave me grace
Keeping that in each new place
I’m ready now to say goodbye
To count the loss of one who died

[Tag]
Letting go of you, holding on to something new


(For Chace Ridder)

on sexuaity

“The most enduring form of distorted sexuality is its decontextualisation from other aspects of life, and hence from the wholeness of personal responsibility, so that it ceases to be a part of an encounter between two whole human persons and therefore to be anything really personal at all. A purely sexual encounter is lived as though the genitals have a life independent from the rest of the person, capable of making their own peculiar commitments and of ignoring those made by the rest of the person. Rather, sexual relations should conform to the dialogical pattern of mutual whole-person orientation, in which case they would take place ‘only in the totality and context of the life of each of the partners including the whole sphere of their encounter and co-existence’.” (Primary source: The Call to Personhood by Alistair McFadyn, 36-37. In quote: Barth Church Dogmatics, 3.1)

“Further, becoming ‘one flesh’ denotes neither sexual intercourse nor its product (Seth), but human existence as a whole under the aspect of corporality. It is the dialogical form of relatedness which is normative for marriage, as for all relations and so for all sexuality, not marrage and heterosexuality which are normative for our understanding and practice of dialogue.” (38)

A Grief Observed

I just finished this short 4-chapter book by CS Lewis this morning. A very valuable read for anyone who as walked through the fog and sorrow of loss. I will add a few favorite quotes later.

Some food for thought (PS: I love that metaphor):
"Talk to me about the truth of religion and I'll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I'll listen submissively. But don't come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don't understand... And that, just that (our pithy fabrications of Heaven and things we can never know), is what I cry out for, with mad, midnight endearments and entreaties spoken into the empty air." The depth of despair where consolation cannot reach.

"There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them. It is arrogance in us to call frankness, fairness, and chivalry 'masculine' when we see them in a woman; it is arrogance in them to describe a man's sensitivities or tact or tenderness as 'feminine.' But also what poor, warped fragments of humanity most meere men and mere women must be to make the implications of that arrogance plausible. Marriage heals this. Jointly the two become fully human. 'In the image of God created He them." Thus, by a paradox, the carnival of sexuality leads us out beyond our sexes."

"To see, in some measure, like God. His love and His knowledge are not distinct from one another, nor from Him. We could almost say He sees because He loves, and therefore loves although He sees."

"Once very near the end I said, 'If you can--if it is allowed--come to me when I too am on my death bed.' 'Allowed!' she said. 'Heaven would have a job to hold me; and as for Hell, i'd break it into bits.' She knew she was speaking a kind of mythological language, with even an element of comedy in it. There was a twinkle as well as a tear in her eye. But there was no myth and no joke about the will, deeper than any feeling, that flashed through her."

Roots

So I was reading through Steve Yamaguchi's Presby Pastor's e-sharing this morning and came across this little point of interest. I remember filling these fish-boxes, ie: "Gracie" with coins as I participated in sunday school and summer camps.


a) One Great Hour of Sharing – with Japan. The little Fish Coin Offering Boxes make a difference. The earthquake hit Japan on Friday, March 11. By Monday, March 14, we had sent $100,000 to Japan through our One Great Hour of Sharing offering. Please let your children know that their Fish Coin Offering boxes are making a difference to help the children of Japan. (By the way, after many years, the coin box fish finally has a name. She is Gracie.)
Lent and Holy Week are the most popular seasons for churches to collect the One Great Hour of Sharing (OGHS) offering. Click here for more information about how to participate in the OGHS program.


Great to hear that the habits of children build deep roots of compassion and care for our future generations.

Life Update

I'm sure there are few who read this, but for the sake of leaving my mark on the world wide web I am posting a little update on the upcoming, fairly significant events in my life.

Over the next six weeks I will be interviewing at 5 different hospitals along the West Coast for a position as a Resident Chaplain. This position will continue my education, and serve as my ordination prerequisites to continue working in the field. My residency will begin sometime in August or September.

June 11 will be my graduation date from Fuller Theological Seminary with a Masters of Divinity in Worship, Theology and the Arts.

August will be the last time I have to take any Ordination Exams... prayerfully... as I retake my final Exegesis exam toward the end of the month.

From now until then I am living at Grandpa's and studying.
Peace

an Ironic post

If you read my previous post, this may seem humorous or ironic. Regardless, here it is.
This is an assignment from my Sundance "Engaging Independent Film" course that has asked us to comment on our method of public discourse--how do we engage others in conversation.

I try to keep a few things in mind when engaging with anyone, especially because most of the time I am quickly identified as a Christian, chaplain or seminary student and this starts a conversation off very differently. Different because it means that there are about a million assumptions that the other person has about me, Christians, the Church or religion, all of which I am totally unaware.

First of all I try to work with as few assumptions about the other person as is necessary—unfortunately being a fairly intuitive person makes this challenging. This helps to keep the conversation on an even field where both members can lead and contribute freely.

Secondly I work hard at being an active listener. It may come across sometimes as a little “psychoanalytical” but it is a very helpful listening tool. When someone says something confusing or different you ask them if they meant to say… or if they wanted to say… etc. Listening offers respect and dignity to the conversation partner. It shows that you know you don’t know everything and you’re interested in learning something new.

Finally I try to keep the conversation on track. If I get too distracted or side rail on a “soap-box” I realize I am bringing into the conversation unrelated, uninteresting and possibly hurtful “baggage.” This can also be a tool to notice when the other person is getting frustrated, angry, offended or just bored. If you notice this kind of shift it’s time to simplify, reassess and/or move on. This is an opportunity to find what was good about the conversation before it became too heated. This is also a chance for you to end the conversation before anyone becomes more hurt—we all have been part of hurtful conversations about our own personal lives, beliefs and hopes.

All in all I try, though not always successfully, to meet each person on level ground, show them the kind of respect and dignity I would request from another and try to leave this person better off than when we started. I say “better off” in the sense that education, conversation and being heard are some of the most intimate and life-giving activities any human being can engage in and if we take the opportunity to share a moment with another we can offer them the respect and dignity they were created for.

(Hint, much of this was developed and continues to be developed through my work as a hospital chaplain and the Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) program).

Listening

Today I was speaking to the Concierge at our TimeShare. I asked if he knew of any bistro/restaurant that was a little more off the beaten path where I might get some reading done with a glass of wine. Apparently that is a silly question to ask in a tourist-town during peak-season. Lesson learned.
But, what transpired in our initial 3 minute conversation as I revealed a working knowledge of the town and said I was here last week for Sundance was one of the most confusing conversations I have encountered in a LONG time. Here are a few pieces I can remember.

This guy believes (as he shared in the next 20 minutes):
Religion is problematic...
Faith is something special...
Joseph Campbell ("follow your bliss") has the key...
He's Catholic...
Married a Jewish woman...
Something happened in between...
It depends on what Planet people live are on... this one really got me scratching my head when he started talking about planets... we are in UT...
God/_____ (some other word) created everything and some think is a billion miles away...
His forefathers were somehow connected to Joseph Campbell or Joseph Smith (I couldn't tell) as wagoners through the west...
They built Westminster college where he attended but it's no longer religiously/theological oriented...
It's important to engage in dialogue (Got it! this one i could work with, pfew)...

I have no idea how to follow this guy. So what I leave wondering is, do I sound as fragmented and de-centered as this guy when I talk to people about faith/religion/spirituality? I sure hope not, if I do, I have some work to do.

I really had no idea what this guy was talking about at all. He didn't seem angry or dissatisfied, he seemed to think he was talking about some pretty clear things that made a lot of sense. Good thing he kept talking and didn't ask for me to participate. I hope no one sees this blog and thinks "what a pretentious pious bitch." I'm not trying to poke-fun at what he "believes" I just wonder how many people live in such a de-centralized world/reality like this?

wow