disgusting

So, I'm just going to complain, so you're forewarned. There will be no brilliant wisdom or theological nuggets to get from this one, unless you count confession.

I walked down to the corner liquor store to get some soda to keep me awake enough to write this paper... and I'm now tired. It was only a 3 block walk. I'm pathetic!
I have never been in such sorry shape before in my life!
I wish I was better at making goals and sticking to them, but I'm not.
I prefer to be realistic than optimistic.
I want to say I'll go to the gym more and lose those 15lbs I've gained, but we'll see.

I can't believe I'm tired! disgusting.
I did only get about 6 hrs of sleep last night... and I have been working pretty hard for school, but still! pathetic.

And now I'm scared because we're going camping in a week and a half and I'm pretty sure the two mile walk to our campsite is going to wear me out! Sorry girls, I'm just out of shape.

thought-o-the-day

Am I the only one who gets a little uneasy when people say stuff like: "Everything happens for a reason" "God put me here to learn something, I just don't know what it is yet" etc?


I feel like, particularly in the middle of an economic crisis, wars around the world, poverty and even little things like the finals that are fast approaching these phrases just rub me the wrong way.

How can we approach life with an attitude more similar to: God is the redeemer of all things.


Just thinking out loud.

Hamster in a Wheel

sorry it has been so long, as you read you'll know why!
I enjoy reading your posts so keep them coming friends :)

So here I am again, just past midterms and about to die from overloading my plate. You’d think that someone who has been “over committing” herself for 10 years would realize what a toll it takes. Instead I will blog, avoiding homework, and try to cope.

So, I’ve been trying for the past three years to take a step back and do less, find the things in life that I really value and make space and time for them. I was forced to make space and time while in Ojai but had close to no emotional, social or spiritual strength to actually do anything with it. Then I moved to Pasadena and started school at Fuller Theological Seminary and was slowly but surely rejuvenated by the community and studies. Although because of my previous bad habits I figured I’d be fine working 20-25 hours a week at a local coffee shop to pay for some of my living expenses while I was paying for school. I worked this much and more in undergrad and apparently had forgotten what a toll it took on my spiritual, social and emotional life. (Mind, Body, Spirit right)… You’d think those Café tri-folds at Point Loma that taught about “Mind, Body, Spirit Balance” would have brought some insight… I feel like I’m in recovery from an addiction. Maybe in some cases I am.

So here I am, stuck in a couple feet of it… brown, moist, squishy, suffocating…
I am overwhelmed and it’s my own damn fault!

I’m trying to cut back by saying no and delegating as much as I can to others, but often times those things take more work before they start paying off.

Now, how do I cope?

Take a breath—nothing is as bad as it seems when it first hits you.
Be grateful—every little bit counts. I am so grateful for a God that is present and strong enough to carry me through the rough spots. And I appreciate good friends who pitch in by offering encouragement and hugs.
And try to keep it all in perspective.


Okay now I’m going to work on my sermon, worship for tomorrow and the hundreds of pages of reading I have not gotten to yet!
Thanks for reading and let’s all keep each other in prayer!

Peace

Thanksgiving:

To be thankful… to give thanks… what a wonderful opportunity we have to bring healing and reconciliation to this broken world.

A family celebration darkened by the immediate brokenness of senility and distant devastation of terrorists in Mumbai. We have so much to be thankful for. A warm home filled with love and support. There was enough of everything to share with many more than our company. Vehicles to transport us from our own spacious homes to the house we grew up in. Clothing to keep us warm, protected from the elements and stylish. We have the privilege of knowledge, resources, stability and ability. We have the freedom to choose how to spend our time as a student or working in our chosen fields not because we have to have a job but because we are good at those things. We were born (and adopted) into privilege and it is not something to be ashamed of. However, it makes me think a whole lot. How easy it is for me to put gas in my car, write the check for rent, spend time with friends, choose to work at a church where I am not paid… I feel like I could go on forever and ever. All of which bring great pleasure and deep burden to my heart.

Nothing I have is my own. My education, relationships, faith, comfort, struggles and computer to write this on are all a gift. The world is hardly so simple that the hours I work make the money I use to buy some certain thing. I would not have any job if I had no education or physical ability granted by God or subsidized by those around me. How can I even begin to give thanks for so much?

I guess I am most grateful for the grace that has been so generously given to such an undeserving, miniscule part of creation. When I was younger, and much more insecure, I used to not know how to receive a gift or compliment. I would shake my head and say (and believe) “no, no, you don’t know.” Thinking the compliment or gift was undeserved because I wasn’t anything special. I have tried for years to understand what those little gestures really mean and where they come from. They are of God. They are the small whispers of tenderness and care from a creator who wishes me to be thankful. So I have had to learn to give thanks. To say thank you to someone who does something kind for me. It is not because I am ungrateful, but because I have been disillusioned to think only certain people are worthy. No one is worthy. We are mere instruments of peace and generosity. So let us give thanks to the one from whom it all began; the source of life, love, happiness and generosity.

Reading the fine print...

So, it was neither a cyberspace SNAFU, nor a "religious" censorship. Next time I should really read the directions.

Here's music-discussion.com's response

"Hi The thread was deleted as it cantained a link. We do not allow first time posters to promote links, as we are trying to promote a community atmosphere. Plus if we allowed all the members to post links, then we would have hundreds of posts everyday of members coming here to promote other sites, meaning the quality of the Music Discussion is comprised.

However, as you have contacted us regarding your post, I have undeleted your thread but removed the link to comply with the forum policy.

All the best,

Anthony"

Irony

I remember being a kid and taking the things I learned in school and bringing them home. One of which was my early fear of alcohol... why? I have NO idea. The teachers and administrators just made it sound really scary at school when I was six and seven years old. So my dad started drinking his one glass of wine in a plastic tupperware cup so we didn't realize it was alcohol.

Then when I got a little bit older I realized my mom drank like two to three cups of coffee a day! I thought that was outrageous and it probably was bad for her health. So we (maybe just me) convinced her one year to wean down to one cup of coffee a day for lent, and the following year she had to go without. Kids are powerful! Not to mention what the heck did I think about lent?

Today I got a headache. It's not a severe problem. It doesn't keep me from doing my homework, Facebook and blogging do that. But it serves as a painful reminder that some day I'm going to have to give up my caffeinated beverages. My parents were so good about this stuff, they really cared about our feelings and conscience. I don't know if I can be that selfless, especially for something so silly and little. Sure, sure if I really wanted to give it up I could and it would take a week or two to adjust back to normal levels of energy and endorphins without my capillaries freaking out because my blood just isn't as thin as it used to be.

So for now I'm drinking some green tea and praying that my head will feel better so I can actually have a good nights sleep. I think I've tried to convince myself to stop drinking caffeine over a dozen times. I'm almost out of coffee here at home, and I may just take it as a vow of poverty to not buy another bag of beans. "And isn't it ironic, don't you think?"

An eventful weekend

So things were already looking up Friday after class. I had a Hawaiian BBQ, music and a Roof Top Party to attend! Seriously this was probably the most eventful weekend since, well… I can’t really remember. After we ate and sang some songs, we packed up and hiked across the street to the Pasadena Museum of California Art Roof Top Party, hosted by Fuller’s own Brehm Center. The only bummer was, Melanie discovered I can actually dance (nothin fancy, but I can keep beet). The cat is out of the bag and I have no more excuses. No worries, I think I’ll still survive and I hope my secret is safe with her.

Then Saturday morning rolls around--grey and wet. I LOVE it when it rains! The first hint of fall, of weather, of seasons here in Southern California. I get to pull out my sweaters, socks and boots. What more could I ask for?

Little did I know my day was going to get exponentially more fantabulous until I got the call from Nicole. She asked me how much I loved her and I knew. I knew she would come through for me. I knew she loved me enough to hook me up with an extra ticket to the Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova and Iron and Wine show that night!!! Have I died and gone to heaven??? (not yet, the concert hadn’t started).

So I was giddy the whole day, I could hardly get any work done, we were going to go see one of the greatest shows I could hope to see. (And for free, might I add. Thanks WaMu, just tag my concert ticket right on to the tab of the Bailout plan… that’s a whole other story).

We drove up into the hills of Hollywood, and stood outside the Theatre waiting to grab our seats, second row from the back. You bet, I roll in style. Iron and Wine were amazing—who knew such passion and depth could come from a guitar, a piano and an accordion. I was blown away. Their music is new to me but I’ve come to really like woman king, it speaks to the feminist in me. But my favorite part is that she is depicted as a hand-to-hand combat warrior, “sword in hand swing at some evil and bleed.”

THIS WAS JUST THE BEGINNING!!

Then Glen and Marketa came out with their band and just took us all by the seat of our pants and rocked! Not only did they do some of their own exceptional tunes they did everything! They left us silent and made us want to scream. Glen unplugged his guitar and walked up front on the stage and said “I think I’m going to try this one without the speakers.” He strummed the first chords and the crowd cheered but only for a second because we didn’t want to miss a word … “I’m scratching at the surface now…” We could hear him clear as day, unplugged, all the way up into the nosebleed section! “This is what you’ve waited for, your chance to even up the score… …” One of the most powerful performances I have experienced.

I have to add some of the most amazing surprises like Robert Sherman (who wrote and performed for us supercalifragilisticexpialidocious) and John Carney (writer/director of Once).
Really this show was beyond all my expectations!