I have two and a half papers to write but instead I went to the gym, washed my car (kinda--the windows), watered the plants and then wrote a song.
It started out with a little chord progression that I liked
Then some silly words that rhymed
I wrote it down and kept going...
It is very simple, but I think it's pretty good for my first complete song.
My thanks go out to all who keep nudging me to keep at this, to have fun and enjoy it.
The recording is pretty weak (sorry garageband) but its good to have something permanent down.
If you were wondering, here's the lyrics. They're simple, because the truth is our feelings and needs don't have to be complicated.
You walked into my life
Caught my wandering eye
Saw the beauty
within
We walked together
Through rainy weather
I lost you somewhere...
(Chorus)
Break through the darkness
Step into tomorrow
Who knows what
Will come next
Take on each new day
Yesterday will fade away
I'll never be the same
The sun is shinin
The trees are smilin
Take me back
To where we met
The birds are flyin
The streets are cryin
My heart is dying
Can't run away from this regret
Okay, now I really have to write these papers!! Yikes :)
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Urban Plunge
This week we spent a handful of hours each day reaching out of our cozy little lives and into the community.
Thanks GSPC for sponsoring and having the vision to allow us to explore in these ways.
For teaching us to never stop asking why?
Why do people end up on the street?
Why do beaches get so dirty?
Why does it smell?
Why does the Church do stuff like this?
Why haven't I seen this before, or heard of this before?
Why, why, why, why, why?
Thanks for the hands who worked hard, played hard and came together.
Each day we met at Church, had some discussion, prayed and put our hands together and cheered for whatever was before us. Stellar.
Without the help of each one of you students, leaders and community organizations there would be a lot more hurt.
The pain, hunger, disconnection, stares, judgment, fear and hopelessness will never go away.
I am always grateful for times like this to continually look back on and look forward to.
I have been given so much, how could I forget to give it back in return.
Matt 25:40
"For whatever you did to the least of these, you did to me."
It never ceases to confound me that sorting through shoes, vacuuming, making soup, setting a table, and picking up trash at the beach is serving Jesus. Jesus, as fully God, needs nothing (especially from us!). But somehow takes on the needs, the sins, the concerns and the desires of the world. And miraculously by doing what Jesus did we continue his ministry and continue to share. Who am I?
Wow...
In class, play and work I have been humbled, that's a good week.
Thanks GSPC for sponsoring and having the vision to allow us to explore in these ways.
For teaching us to never stop asking why?
Why do people end up on the street?
Why do beaches get so dirty?
Why does it smell?
Why does the Church do stuff like this?
Why haven't I seen this before, or heard of this before?
Why, why, why, why, why?
Thanks for the hands who worked hard, played hard and came together.
Each day we met at Church, had some discussion, prayed and put our hands together and cheered for whatever was before us. Stellar.
Without the help of each one of you students, leaders and community organizations there would be a lot more hurt.
The pain, hunger, disconnection, stares, judgment, fear and hopelessness will never go away.
I am always grateful for times like this to continually look back on and look forward to.
I have been given so much, how could I forget to give it back in return.
Matt 25:40
"For whatever you did to the least of these, you did to me."
It never ceases to confound me that sorting through shoes, vacuuming, making soup, setting a table, and picking up trash at the beach is serving Jesus. Jesus, as fully God, needs nothing (especially from us!). But somehow takes on the needs, the sins, the concerns and the desires of the world. And miraculously by doing what Jesus did we continue his ministry and continue to share. Who am I?
Wow...
In class, play and work I have been humbled, that's a good week.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Lighten Up
After looking at my last few posts I think I need to chill out a little bit.
Smell the roses, bask in the sun... you know lighten up.
So here are a few thoughts so you don't worry about my well-being or psychological stability.
In light of this, I think I'll reply to the "that's another blog for another time" comment made:
Senior year of high school I was involved with the Christian Club at Los Alamitos High. I don't keep it a secret that I have been called to ministry, but I don't think the world would be better off ruled solely by women. So the leaders of the Christian Club and I got together and we all agreed to find some people who would be interested in coming to our meeting and teach. I don't really remember the days or weeks in-between. But somehow I got in a one-on-one Church-off with a freshman who thought he knew a lot. He is a very devout man of faith. He takes his faith, relationship with God and relationships with other people very seriously... He thought he needed to make it clear that "I permit no woman to have authority..." (1Tim2:10)
The funny thing is that at that point in my life I had no idea people actually thought women should not serve as leaders and pastors in the Church. I got defensive and said, "what does that have to do with inviting my youth director to teach" (who actually was male, although this young man assumed I wanted to bring in a woman)?
His response: "You're just a charismatic, experiential feminist." So there!
Feminist--yes, in a moderate social sense of the term. I believe man and woman were created beautifully equal and unique. And I believe the commissioning Jesus gave to the disciples is for every follower of Christ. I believe that any structure set up to protect, teach and care for any group of men and women can only begin to function well with a balanced representation of both men and women at the helm.
Charismatic--I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe there are times where the Spirit given by Jesus Christ meets us in the broken, lost, angry, wordless and void places we run into in life. As revealed by the Word of God.
Experiential--I have faith and hope because I have experienced the real presence of Jesus Christ in my life. As revealed by the Word of God.
(I know, how very Presbyterian of me, get over it--I had to a long time ago).
But the implication that I was a crazy woman who made decisions based solely on feelings is FAR from anything I am. Please, ask my mom, my sister, any of my friends, any of the guys I've dated, ANYONE... really.
I hope that I can actually become more Charismatic and Experiential in my life. I hope that I can grow to trust God and people more, and follow the possibilities ahead. I hope that I can feel more free to worship and adore my creator through different styles of expression and creativity. I hope that the Lord continues to reveal grace, truth, kindness, mercy, love and generosity to me so that I might know my Creator more intimately.
Just a few thoughts.
Love you all!
Smell the roses, bask in the sun... you know lighten up.
So here are a few thoughts so you don't worry about my well-being or psychological stability.
In light of this, I think I'll reply to the "that's another blog for another time" comment made:
Senior year of high school I was involved with the Christian Club at Los Alamitos High. I don't keep it a secret that I have been called to ministry, but I don't think the world would be better off ruled solely by women. So the leaders of the Christian Club and I got together and we all agreed to find some people who would be interested in coming to our meeting and teach. I don't really remember the days or weeks in-between. But somehow I got in a one-on-one Church-off with a freshman who thought he knew a lot. He is a very devout man of faith. He takes his faith, relationship with God and relationships with other people very seriously... He thought he needed to make it clear that "I permit no woman to have authority..." (1Tim2:10)
The funny thing is that at that point in my life I had no idea people actually thought women should not serve as leaders and pastors in the Church. I got defensive and said, "what does that have to do with inviting my youth director to teach" (who actually was male, although this young man assumed I wanted to bring in a woman)?
His response: "You're just a charismatic, experiential feminist." So there!
Feminist--yes, in a moderate social sense of the term. I believe man and woman were created beautifully equal and unique. And I believe the commissioning Jesus gave to the disciples is for every follower of Christ. I believe that any structure set up to protect, teach and care for any group of men and women can only begin to function well with a balanced representation of both men and women at the helm.
Charismatic--I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe there are times where the Spirit given by Jesus Christ meets us in the broken, lost, angry, wordless and void places we run into in life. As revealed by the Word of God.
Experiential--I have faith and hope because I have experienced the real presence of Jesus Christ in my life. As revealed by the Word of God.
(I know, how very Presbyterian of me, get over it--I had to a long time ago).
But the implication that I was a crazy woman who made decisions based solely on feelings is FAR from anything I am. Please, ask my mom, my sister, any of my friends, any of the guys I've dated, ANYONE... really.
I hope that I can actually become more Charismatic and Experiential in my life. I hope that I can grow to trust God and people more, and follow the possibilities ahead. I hope that I can feel more free to worship and adore my creator through different styles of expression and creativity. I hope that the Lord continues to reveal grace, truth, kindness, mercy, love and generosity to me so that I might know my Creator more intimately.
Just a few thoughts.
Love you all!
Saturday, August 2, 2008
AGENDA:
(Picture: Dusty-grey and black typewriter… tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, clack, clack, tick tick, tick)
My car’s wheels need to be realigned.
Assignment 3b, 3 Continued and 4b… by midnight.
Sunday School in the morning. Nooma 008—Luggage.
The Bridge music…
Learn to hold my tongue…
Everyone has an agenda. From the tasks of the day to the way you understand God.
What’s the difference between belief and agenda?
Pisteuo (greek)—Faith, Belief, Trust.
Agenda—what I can do now to get what I want later.
Our ministries have an agenda. Let’s invite the community members to our “most awesomest” community picnic, welcome them, give them a name tag (try to learn their names), hand them a flyer with all the other “Church events” listed and hope and pray something stuck so that we can “save one more soul” or … … … “save our budget deficit.”
The way we should care for the marginalized
The way we should respond to the outcast
The way we should give to a hungry person, but what if they’re on drugs, I don’t want to give them money because maybe they’ll buy more drugs, or maybe a weapon…
The way we should vote
The schools our kids should be in
The way we should eat our meals, and who’s invited
And tonight…(more or less) “Are you going to continue pursuing ordination with all the things that are happening now in our Church? I am just not very happy with the things that are happening because if we allow homosexuals to come in and have authority, teaching, mentoring, counseling, and breaking this bread before us, well they’ll try to get us all on their side. They’ll just try to push their own agenda. I’m okay accepting them into our churches and praying for their sins. I just think we need boundaries.”
Can the PC(USA) have more boundaries?!!! We have a statement, a rule, and a committee for everything. From the “proper” way to administer sacraments to the “proper” way for a small group of people to gather together as a response to the mysterious and wonderful work of Jesus Christ, God Almighty and the Holy Spirit.
What is more tragic. Examining and allowing another broken person, who doesn’t have their life together, who seeks God, asks for forgiveness and has a community of believers who support them, taking a risk by stepping into a position of scrutiny and ridicule by the grace of God?
Or an entire community of people spread over hundreds of thousands of miles who hate one another because “you just don’t understand” or “you aren’t filled with the Holy Spirit” or “The Word of God strictly says________”
... Or was that my grandmother? My sister, or my father who has given up everything so that I would be safe, educated and happy? Who has given up promotions for me? Who has stayed up all night because I wasn’t feeling well because they love me so much? My pastor who prayed over people and they were healed?
Or our Lord, who said “It is finished.”
(Picture: Dusty-grey and black typewriter… tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, clack, clack, tick tick, tick)
My car’s wheels need to be realigned.
Assignment 3b, 3 Continued and 4b… by midnight.
Sunday School in the morning. Nooma 008—Luggage.
The Bridge music…
Learn to hold my tongue…
Everyone has an agenda. From the tasks of the day to the way you understand God.
What’s the difference between belief and agenda?
Pisteuo (greek)—Faith, Belief, Trust.
Agenda—what I can do now to get what I want later.
Our ministries have an agenda. Let’s invite the community members to our “most awesomest” community picnic, welcome them, give them a name tag (try to learn their names), hand them a flyer with all the other “Church events” listed and hope and pray something stuck so that we can “save one more soul” or … … … “save our budget deficit.”
The way we should care for the marginalized
The way we should respond to the outcast
The way we should give to a hungry person, but what if they’re on drugs, I don’t want to give them money because maybe they’ll buy more drugs, or maybe a weapon…
The way we should vote
The schools our kids should be in
The way we should eat our meals, and who’s invited
And tonight…(more or less) “Are you going to continue pursuing ordination with all the things that are happening now in our Church? I am just not very happy with the things that are happening because if we allow homosexuals to come in and have authority, teaching, mentoring, counseling, and breaking this bread before us, well they’ll try to get us all on their side. They’ll just try to push their own agenda. I’m okay accepting them into our churches and praying for their sins. I just think we need boundaries.”
Can the PC(USA) have more boundaries?!!! We have a statement, a rule, and a committee for everything. From the “proper” way to administer sacraments to the “proper” way for a small group of people to gather together as a response to the mysterious and wonderful work of Jesus Christ, God Almighty and the Holy Spirit.
What is more tragic. Examining and allowing another broken person, who doesn’t have their life together, who seeks God, asks for forgiveness and has a community of believers who support them, taking a risk by stepping into a position of scrutiny and ridicule by the grace of God?
Or an entire community of people spread over hundreds of thousands of miles who hate one another because “you just don’t understand” or “you aren’t filled with the Holy Spirit” or “The Word of God strictly says________”
... Or was that my grandmother? My sister, or my father who has given up everything so that I would be safe, educated and happy? Who has given up promotions for me? Who has stayed up all night because I wasn’t feeling well because they love me so much? My pastor who prayed over people and they were healed?
Or our Lord, who said “It is finished.”
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Missed the Point?
So here it is, shuffle, shuffle, scrape, thud, tap-tap… the soap box, I’m pulling it out again. Most of you know this in person, but I’ll give her a try in black and white (or light blue). PS: it's a pretty long one. I know, I know-- short and sweet is always better... I'll have to keep working on that.
Okay, so yes I’m single. Yes I do often wish I had the companionship of a man, but I ask myself more and more at what cost?
My parents were married “later” (that is 28 and 34—which is really at most 10 years from now for me). Not that “late.” They have a beautiful, strong, balanced, loving and generous marriage and my sister and I have had comfortable, encouraging and happy lives because they were able to provide all of that for us. So in High School I believed “yeah I’ll probably not get married until I’m in my late 20’s too. I have to first get ordained and actually live my life (outside of being a student) and meet some real men.” Then I went to “Ring-by-Spring, Mrs. Degree” Point Loma. And the engagements came; the bridal showers came, the wishful thinking, the “dream weddings,” the drama, the bridezilla’s and the broken hearts came. Some marriages have been going strong and happy for a number of years; some ended up in broken engagements and within a few years a beautiful wedding with another person. Some ended up in ugly divorce--hush-hush between the rolling hum of the pipe organ at Church.
So call me a pessimist. Call me depressed. Call me melancholy. Call me a troublemaker. Call me what you want (because it’s unlikely it will ever beat “Charismatic Experiential Feminist” (Irony: for another blog)).
So if you’re a romantic. If you love, love for the sake of the butterflies and rainbows don’t bother reading on. But if you’ve actually thought twice or asked yourself “what’s so great about marriage?” Then tarry, get your feet wet. Muse with me.
Is “IT” really that great? (Thanks Jen for starting this… hope you don’t mind me stealing it). Okay, so maybe it is, I still have only been given part of the story so bear with me... So if it really is, at what cost? What are we really getting ourselves into when we say, “I do.” It’s not a “sex license.” Really, it’s not even in the fine print. Aren’t there always TWO sides to a coin?
If I get married then I’ll never be lonely again.
If I get married I’ll always have someone to talk to.
If I get married someone will understand.
If I get married then I won’t have to worry about being taken advantage of again.
If I get married we’ll have kids, and a puppy and a white picket fence, and be on the PTA, and go trick-or-treating, and have slumber parties and… and… and…
What does the other side of the coin look like?
If I get married I’ll never have privacy.
If I get married I’ll never get time to just think.
If I get married we’ll probably have kids, what if…
If I get married I might have to sign divorce papers, divide our stuff, our lives, our families, our future, our time, our hearts.
While I am single: Sometimes, maybe even a little bit all the time I feel lonely.
But, if a friend calls I can pick up a sweater and walk out the door. I don’t have to call for a sitter, ask permission or explain the situation to anyone. I can share my things with anyone. I can share my thoughts, desires and my dreams with someone young or someone old—I haven’t already given most of my time to one other person. I can sit in a coffee shop all night—watching people, meeting people, enjoying a perfectly prepared latte.
Decisions made can be influenced equally by myself, my best friend(s), my family and whoever else walks into the situation. It’s not a yours-and-mine equation. Yes sometimes an embrace, a glance will ignite something deep within that has never been touched before, and I don’t know if I’ll ever know how to satisfy those flames. But, at least I know they’re there; there’s something still mysterious about myself that I don’t even know, that no one but the one who created me knows.
I am not exceptionally intelligent, kind, beautiful, generous, loving, funny or humble.
If I were exceptionally intelligent I would make a lot of money.
If I were exceptionally kind I would be living in another country feeding hungry people.
If I were exceptionally beautiful I would have my face in magazines.
If I were exceptionally generous I might have more friends.
If I were exceptionally loving I would hurt no one.
If I were exceptionally funny I would be on TV.
If I were exceptionally humble… that one’s up to God.
We have been misled. Who pulled the wool over my eyes? Who has let me wear these fuchsia glasses thinking that the images beyond will seem more alluring? Who am I to say “that’ll never be me.”
We confound ourselves by saying “all the pretty girls… or all the funny guys… or all the tall guys…” Or whatever phrase you chose to throw in there to say that it's something less than a miracle that two people can actually meet, enjoy each other so much that they CHOSE to take on the risk of having everything torn apart (when you bring two things together the other side is that it will be TORN apart). It’s a choice. You chose to take the next step, regardless of what may come. You don’t get married because “I’m crazy about him” or “She’s just so perfect” or “I just love you so much”
You marry because you have found someone who leads you closer to Christ so that without this other you more dimly follow your first love. That if you were to part, your pursuit of the Lord changes (not necessarily leaves you but it is inevitably different). Your lives have met in such a way that the Christ in me is more brilliant when you're around and the Christ in you is more Christ-like when I'm around. If you marry the direction in life you take is that of Christ. NOT of a four bedroom, three bath, with three kids, a trust fund and a Labrador. If the Lord blesses you with Children you are to raise them to know and love God. If you are blessed with a house, you are to open those doors to someone who may not have as much. If you are blessed with a trust fund, use it to the glory of God. If you are blessed with a Labrador, the Lord will teach you humility.
I’m not perfect, I'm not even close. Ask my closest friends and my parents. Believe me they have plenty of stories. I’m not looking for the perfect man. I’m just interested in finding people—man, woman, child—who by the grace of God bring life to Christ in our midst. People who are made alive in Christ.
I am blessed to know many of these children of God. Thank you for allowing me to walk beside you. Maybe some day for some crazy unknown reason a man will come into my life and God wants to use us together. Not because either of us have anything exceptional to offer, but that together Christ is more beautiful. Until then, I’ll keep working on trying to follow today, tomorrow, next week, when I’m 50 and when I’m 87.
And by the grace of our Lord this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
So here it is, shuffle, shuffle, scrape, thud, tap-tap… the soap box, I’m pulling it out again. Most of you know this in person, but I’ll give her a try in black and white (or light blue). PS: it's a pretty long one. I know, I know-- short and sweet is always better... I'll have to keep working on that.
Okay, so yes I’m single. Yes I do often wish I had the companionship of a man, but I ask myself more and more at what cost?
My parents were married “later” (that is 28 and 34—which is really at most 10 years from now for me). Not that “late.” They have a beautiful, strong, balanced, loving and generous marriage and my sister and I have had comfortable, encouraging and happy lives because they were able to provide all of that for us. So in High School I believed “yeah I’ll probably not get married until I’m in my late 20’s too. I have to first get ordained and actually live my life (outside of being a student) and meet some real men.” Then I went to “Ring-by-Spring, Mrs. Degree” Point Loma. And the engagements came; the bridal showers came, the wishful thinking, the “dream weddings,” the drama, the bridezilla’s and the broken hearts came. Some marriages have been going strong and happy for a number of years; some ended up in broken engagements and within a few years a beautiful wedding with another person. Some ended up in ugly divorce--hush-hush between the rolling hum of the pipe organ at Church.
So call me a pessimist. Call me depressed. Call me melancholy. Call me a troublemaker. Call me what you want (because it’s unlikely it will ever beat “Charismatic Experiential Feminist” (Irony: for another blog)).
So if you’re a romantic. If you love, love for the sake of the butterflies and rainbows don’t bother reading on. But if you’ve actually thought twice or asked yourself “what’s so great about marriage?” Then tarry, get your feet wet. Muse with me.
Is “IT” really that great? (Thanks Jen for starting this… hope you don’t mind me stealing it). Okay, so maybe it is, I still have only been given part of the story so bear with me... So if it really is, at what cost? What are we really getting ourselves into when we say, “I do.” It’s not a “sex license.” Really, it’s not even in the fine print. Aren’t there always TWO sides to a coin?
If I get married then I’ll never be lonely again.
If I get married I’ll always have someone to talk to.
If I get married someone will understand.
If I get married then I won’t have to worry about being taken advantage of again.
If I get married we’ll have kids, and a puppy and a white picket fence, and be on the PTA, and go trick-or-treating, and have slumber parties and… and… and…
What does the other side of the coin look like?
If I get married I’ll never have privacy.
If I get married I’ll never get time to just think.
If I get married we’ll probably have kids, what if…
If I get married I might have to sign divorce papers, divide our stuff, our lives, our families, our future, our time, our hearts.
While I am single: Sometimes, maybe even a little bit all the time I feel lonely.
But, if a friend calls I can pick up a sweater and walk out the door. I don’t have to call for a sitter, ask permission or explain the situation to anyone. I can share my things with anyone. I can share my thoughts, desires and my dreams with someone young or someone old—I haven’t already given most of my time to one other person. I can sit in a coffee shop all night—watching people, meeting people, enjoying a perfectly prepared latte.
Decisions made can be influenced equally by myself, my best friend(s), my family and whoever else walks into the situation. It’s not a yours-and-mine equation. Yes sometimes an embrace, a glance will ignite something deep within that has never been touched before, and I don’t know if I’ll ever know how to satisfy those flames. But, at least I know they’re there; there’s something still mysterious about myself that I don’t even know, that no one but the one who created me knows.
I am not exceptionally intelligent, kind, beautiful, generous, loving, funny or humble.
If I were exceptionally intelligent I would make a lot of money.
If I were exceptionally kind I would be living in another country feeding hungry people.
If I were exceptionally beautiful I would have my face in magazines.
If I were exceptionally generous I might have more friends.
If I were exceptionally loving I would hurt no one.
If I were exceptionally funny I would be on TV.
If I were exceptionally humble… that one’s up to God.
We have been misled. Who pulled the wool over my eyes? Who has let me wear these fuchsia glasses thinking that the images beyond will seem more alluring? Who am I to say “that’ll never be me.”
We confound ourselves by saying “all the pretty girls… or all the funny guys… or all the tall guys…” Or whatever phrase you chose to throw in there to say that it's something less than a miracle that two people can actually meet, enjoy each other so much that they CHOSE to take on the risk of having everything torn apart (when you bring two things together the other side is that it will be TORN apart). It’s a choice. You chose to take the next step, regardless of what may come. You don’t get married because “I’m crazy about him” or “She’s just so perfect” or “I just love you so much”
You marry because you have found someone who leads you closer to Christ so that without this other you more dimly follow your first love. That if you were to part, your pursuit of the Lord changes (not necessarily leaves you but it is inevitably different). Your lives have met in such a way that the Christ in me is more brilliant when you're around and the Christ in you is more Christ-like when I'm around. If you marry the direction in life you take is that of Christ. NOT of a four bedroom, three bath, with three kids, a trust fund and a Labrador. If the Lord blesses you with Children you are to raise them to know and love God. If you are blessed with a house, you are to open those doors to someone who may not have as much. If you are blessed with a trust fund, use it to the glory of God. If you are blessed with a Labrador, the Lord will teach you humility.
I’m not perfect, I'm not even close. Ask my closest friends and my parents. Believe me they have plenty of stories. I’m not looking for the perfect man. I’m just interested in finding people—man, woman, child—who by the grace of God bring life to Christ in our midst. People who are made alive in Christ.
I am blessed to know many of these children of God. Thank you for allowing me to walk beside you. Maybe some day for some crazy unknown reason a man will come into my life and God wants to use us together. Not because either of us have anything exceptional to offer, but that together Christ is more beautiful. Until then, I’ll keep working on trying to follow today, tomorrow, next week, when I’m 50 and when I’m 87.
And by the grace of our Lord this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Feelings...
I always love the joke that comes up when you’re hanging out with friends, and you feel as if you’re in a psychiatrist’s chair instead “and how did that make you feel?”
Overwhelmed :: Neglected :: Irritated :: Lonely :: Excited :: Defeated :: Weak ::Courageous
How can one day be filled with so much?! What the heck! (PS: I haven’t done anything I really should have either, no reading, no homework… oh my goodness).
Can’t we just have a day where you are really “good.” That’s what you tell everyone, right?
Like today when I met with my Presbyterian Liaison, Jeff, saw Werner at Church, met with Brittany, or had dinner with Dale. How’s it going? “Great!” I reply confidently. Some I share more with than others, and obviously if you know me I really am feeling “great” (for the most part) but troubled by other things that never really leave the cloud above. Kind of like Eeyore’s overhead rain cloud, just for him and his thoughts alone. Except I can never really leave my rain clouds to myself, I usually let them splash and drip on others too (or you just get to step in the muddy ground I tend to leave behind—I’m sorry). I just can’t handle getting wet alone.
You can’t change other people; you can only change the way you react to each situation.
Devotional life… leaves us both wanting something more…
Where is the Church going? Part of me recognizes this call, but would it be best lived out in Friday Night Dinners? I love to cook and feed people and talk about the Lord. Why can’t I just do this? You’re invited. I will be ordained, but is it just for my own pride?
Oh the secrets of my heart
The places you desire me to go
I will to follow in Your way
I love to see Your face
I need Your help to have faith
Fear and doubt in me
You use us wherever we are
Surely you are greater than
My insecurities
I feel like Moses,
Barely able to get two words out right
Where’s Aaron and Miriam?
How the heck did he do that?
… … …
On the outside I seem strong
I’m on my way
Put together with a four-year-plan
Inside I tremble with fear
Rejection, hurt—not just of me
But the power I hold, what I can do to you
What I have done I cannot repair
Almost paralyzed by that which I do not know
Not quite totally paralyzed though
I keep moving forward
Stepping out into the unknown
The Word as my comfort and guide
With the bruises I bear
I remember I’m not alone
You too walk beside me
And you, my friend, you hear
The voice of hope we cling to
Together, can we see?
Can we hear?
(PS: I don’t know how I ever turn in actual papers. I’m lucky if I can even finish a paragraph on the same subject!)
Overwhelmed :: Neglected :: Irritated :: Lonely :: Excited :: Defeated :: Weak ::Courageous
How can one day be filled with so much?! What the heck! (PS: I haven’t done anything I really should have either, no reading, no homework… oh my goodness).
Can’t we just have a day where you are really “good.” That’s what you tell everyone, right?
Like today when I met with my Presbyterian Liaison, Jeff, saw Werner at Church, met with Brittany, or had dinner with Dale. How’s it going? “Great!” I reply confidently. Some I share more with than others, and obviously if you know me I really am feeling “great” (for the most part) but troubled by other things that never really leave the cloud above. Kind of like Eeyore’s overhead rain cloud, just for him and his thoughts alone. Except I can never really leave my rain clouds to myself, I usually let them splash and drip on others too (or you just get to step in the muddy ground I tend to leave behind—I’m sorry). I just can’t handle getting wet alone.
You can’t change other people; you can only change the way you react to each situation.
Devotional life… leaves us both wanting something more…
Where is the Church going? Part of me recognizes this call, but would it be best lived out in Friday Night Dinners? I love to cook and feed people and talk about the Lord. Why can’t I just do this? You’re invited. I will be ordained, but is it just for my own pride?
Oh the secrets of my heart
The places you desire me to go
I will to follow in Your way
I love to see Your face
I need Your help to have faith
Fear and doubt in me
You use us wherever we are
Surely you are greater than
My insecurities
I feel like Moses,
Barely able to get two words out right
Where’s Aaron and Miriam?
How the heck did he do that?
… … …
On the outside I seem strong
I’m on my way
Put together with a four-year-plan
Inside I tremble with fear
Rejection, hurt—not just of me
But the power I hold, what I can do to you
What I have done I cannot repair
Almost paralyzed by that which I do not know
Not quite totally paralyzed though
I keep moving forward
Stepping out into the unknown
The Word as my comfort and guide
With the bruises I bear
I remember I’m not alone
You too walk beside me
And you, my friend, you hear
The voice of hope we cling to
Together, can we see?
Can we hear?
(PS: I don’t know how I ever turn in actual papers. I’m lucky if I can even finish a paragraph on the same subject!)
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Muddy Waters
8 of us went to Kern river this week.
We camped.
And we went down the rapids, well level 1-3...
White water rafting and kayaking... what a blast :)
We started out nice and easy with the 5 person yellow raft, afloat on the chocolate river (thanks to the summer thunder storms that resulted in a couple of flash floods to color the water we rafted on!)
First you're suited up with the generic, community-shared, once-was-bright orange life-vest that's cinched around your chest so you can almost breathe, just in case. Then you're handed a paddle...
Hop on to the 32 passenger old school bus and you drive about 3 miles up the road where you drop in.
You're given vague instructions that you don't quite understand until you're waist-deep in swirly-brown-cocoa-foamed river water.
"Don't stand up in the boat"
"If you fall out, don't go down the river head first"
"California-lounge-position"
"Hump-and-shuffle" ("but, don't tell our boss you learned this from us")...
"Lock your feet"
"If you're going to tip, lean to the up side"
"To turn right paddle on the left, to turn left paddle on the right"
etc.
And we're off... There's no brake, no stop button, no anchor...
Just you... some inflated plastic... a life vest... paddle... and our raft-guides
Travis tried to pick on Joe... he was thrown in about 8 (thousand) times.
Bob only escaped a good dunking because he was bigger and stronger than the rest of us, so he pushed me in...
We soared down the rapids... again and again...
Five different rapids, levels 1-3... not too shabby.
We first got in the water on Monday and it went about 705 cfs (Cubic feet per second... explained like this "imagine there are 705, 60 lbs basketballs, they all move a foot every second) by this morning, after another storm yesterday it was going over 1000 cfs---BOOYAH!
Naturally after we went down twice on the big 5-person rafts we all believed we were pro's and moved up to kayak-status (and that's what Curtis booked for us, consequentially).
Twisting and turning between the pockets and rocks, spinning around in the churning rapids, splashing and laughing, dunking and diving... I think all in all this was an awesome trip. The greatest thing is that the water is never the same twice, it can sink or rise, roar or quiet to a trickle. Each ride is a new adventure waiting.
(And our only casualties were: Sarah got her finger bumped with a paddle, I sliced my finger while warming our tortillas (be careful tortillas are sharp apparently), Spencer and Sean scraped up their shins while exploring along the riverbank, and our guide lost his glasses)
I would totally do it again. Can we please?
BOOYAH :)
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